Letters to Myself – 4 & 5 Lost in the Mail

Hey All,

My apologies to those looking forward to the fourth letter in this series. I’ve been struggling to capture the ideas and emotions from the last five years in writing, but nothing seems to stick to the paper (or Macbook screen). Consequently, I’ve decided to abandon this format. At least I think I have. It may be that a future me will write these last two letters and send them to me in the present, so I can forward them to my past self. For the time-being, then, the last two letters are currently in limbo, somewhere in the time/space continuum, along with all those missed invitations, cheques, and thank-you cards, and I feel compelled to leave them there for a few reasons.

First, the current series was becoming unsustainable from a logistical standpoint. That is to say, it was just too hard on my brain. On the one hand, I can explain mechanical things pretty well. I regularly explain to customers how bike gears work, why 21-speeds are no better than 7-speeds, and usually worse. I have a solid understanding of certain abstract aspects, too, especially behaviour in interpersonal relationships. I just “get” how people work, and can put it into words fairly well, albeit in a round about way sometimes. Trying to encapsulate in text form my notions, beliefs, or feelings, however, is like trolling for the last fish in the sea. It takes a lot of energy, with little reward.

Secondly, I feel I’ve inadvertently strayed from the point of this blog, which is to share my current project, my Do-it-Yourself approach to excelling in this life with brain damage. Reading the “About” section of this blog, I felt convicted for the turn it has taken in recent posts. Granted, a bit of history is necessary for perspective, as I’ve noted, but the content of these letters (espeically Letter 2) to my past seemed to creep into my present, polluting my freshly minted self-image with ideas and elements that were outdated and simply no longer true. Some have commented on the value of this letter-writing method as a means of processing, but for me it began to feel like I was beating a dead horse. And no one likes processed horse meat.

Thirdly, marking milestones from a somewhat exhausting time in my life for this series was preventing me from sharing the exhilarating things going on now! Some remarkable and challenging things have occurred in the last few weeks, things I want to share so that you can join me, at least vicariously, on the trip. My life continues to get more enjoyable, more exciting, and more fulfilling than, well, before my car accident even. I am regularly surprising myself with accomplishments I considered beyond my reach, and my random acts of “just-for-the-heck-of-it”-ness. And by not sharing these things, I rob not only you of them, but myself as well. The comments and feedback I receive here contribute to my self-image as much as the random adventures I instigate.

OK, so that’s enough of “This Day in History” for The Brain Damage Diaries. Coming up next, we’ll look at why I am a bachelor once again (at least until November), followed by sports highlights, weather, and the commute home.

Actually, I know nothing about the weather or the commute home.

I do have some sports highlights to tell you about though.

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About jaybrandsma

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4 Responses to Letters to Myself – 4 & 5 Lost in the Mail

  1. Ugh, skip the sports highlights…we’ve already seen them.

  2. Lana says:

    “and no one likes processed horse meat.” Nice.

  3. Braintard says:

    I think recently global news or cnn reported either usa or canada was considering the sale of horse meat for consumption.

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